You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So here I am, sexting at work.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
