i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
