Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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