How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
