Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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