miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
