The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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