Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
