im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
