If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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