I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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