The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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