I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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