Just cropdusted the office
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
