Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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