i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
