I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
