I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
