Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
