Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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