Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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