lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize