I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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