Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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