You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
