How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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