new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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