it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
