He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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