My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
