we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
