she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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