My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
