the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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