I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
