We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize