It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
