I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
