I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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