Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
