btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
