Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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