dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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