While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
