just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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