he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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