when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
