i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
