they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
