I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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