Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
