sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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