Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
