I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
