that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
