Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
