2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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