You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
