Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
