Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
