So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
