Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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