I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
