u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
