i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
