What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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