I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
