considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
