Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
