if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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