i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
