My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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