I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
