Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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