How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
