Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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